I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
