u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
