Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
