Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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