Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
