sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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