I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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