The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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