I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
