yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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