That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They have beer where we have blood.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
