All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
