I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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