A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
