5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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