Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
