man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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