we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
