We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
