I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
