maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
