I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
