i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
