I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
