i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
