Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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