jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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