Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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