I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
