Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
