My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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