the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
