dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
