im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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