New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
