Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
