All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
