Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
