We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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