she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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