We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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