My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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