we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's the barista slut.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
