Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
