At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
