I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
