cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
