So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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