i think i have herpe
just one?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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