tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
