Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
